There are some days when I feel like I'm losing my American soul. Like the other day on the plane. The hostess asked me if I'd like chips, and just to clarify, I said, no I'd like crisps. She gave me a blank sort of look at having been corrected, so instead I just ordered a beer to make the fact that I had just turned cultural turncoat slightly more bearable.
Instead of "where are you from?" I now change it to the slightly less prying, "whereabouts are you from?" At a conference in Oxford, I found myself beginning conversations with strangers about the weather or the temperature of the room. Before moving here, I wouldn't have thought twice about asking someone for the time or striking up a conversation on the train. Now I continually think, "Oh no, they wouldn't want to be bothered."
I now notice when American go over the top with stationary, Christmas decorations, or baby or wedding showers. I begin to think, "oh that's just a bit excessive." I find myself trying to find more descriptive adjectives and to tell someone critically exactly what I think, rather than the bland, "oh yeah, it was good." I no longer pronounce ten "tee-in" (too many awkward phone conversations). I've dulled my Americaness down to the minimum, at times, so that I hope I'm not associated with "those" people. An American in customs last week made me bury my head in shame at his cultural insensitivity.
But truth be told, I miss my accent. I miss sounding strongly American. I wish this pressing need-to-be-understood didn't weigh on me so self-consciously so I could just speak and pronounce the words I was taught. Naturally shy, I've been made fun of pronouncing t-i-e- "tahye" or telling someone I was about to "fix" dinner. ("What- is it broken?") These things wear off and only come about when I'm spending time with other Americans, which happens more seldom than I would like. Yet the longer I'm here or more importantly, the longer I date an Englishman, the more important I realize it is to think like an Englishman. Ideally, I'd like to think like a Brit (a Scotsman, an Englishman) yet sound American. The more I spend time over here, the more I'm determined that speech links towards home.
Oh for the 1940s Hollywood days when Americans and Britains sounded so similar! Have you ever watched Cary Grant or Bettie Davis perform? They seem so culturally fluid with such unrevealing accents that they'd just camouflage perfectly within either American or Britain. I bet they didn't feel their passports were on the line every time they opened their mouths!
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