On Husbands and Step-Wives

A small portion of my acquaintances have suffered severe tragedy that has taken the following pattern: a husband and wife are happily married and have children. When the children are in their teens, the mother contracts a form of illness and dies. Within the next year, the husband has remarried someone else, who possibly had a family of her own, and combined the families to form a new unit. All of this strikes me as profoundly sad.

I don't pretend to know the right answer to these things, and defer judgement, but I can't get around how this makes me feel. I feel sad. Sad for the family that has just lost its founding unit. Sad for the husband, but most especially for the children. How does one cope without their mother? Even now, I'll occasionally have nightmares where this happens and its terrifying in its gripping vividness.

My question is why would you remarry so soon? Or more poignantly, why would you remarry at all? [Divorce is a separate issue.] Is it a reflex of grieving? Is it a way to cope to raise the children? And is this the best thing to do for your family, the children you produced? I can't help but think of visiting a family in this situation, and my friend Amber was sitting on a countertop. Her step-mother came in shocked, and shouted, 'What are YOU doing on the counter-top? David! Look here at what your daughter is doing. I'm sure my sons would never do such a thing as that.'

I guess my big question is what does it mean to love? Song of Songs says that 'love is as strong as death.' Proverbs talks about delighting in 'the wife of your youth.' While ultimately, it comes down to personal courage, I can't shake the image of the grey goose from my mind. The grey goose mates for life, and once its partner dies, it never takes another.