Not a Child Anymore

circa 1993

 [I wish I had some of those painful childhood photos, but alas. Instead it's me and dog. Again.]

What is it that makes childhood such a haunting thing, to strive and strive to attain some ideal of happiness once there, now lost, how it shapes and forms thoughts now, and how the smallest moment impacts so profoundly: a teacher not giving an enthusiastic response to your answer; wondering if it was okay to wear your cowboy boots without asking your parent's permission;  learning to pour the sweet tea pitcher all by yourself.

But for all that, here is a deeply vain list for how I HAVE changed since I was wee:

1. I will eat the cheese off my pizza now.
2. I've gotten worse at playing board games. I get so competitive now, while I really didn't care if I won or not when I was young. I considered it beneath my dignity to get too worked up.
3. I memorize things less. Bible verses, poems, song lyrics, anything I liked I would take to memory.
4. I am no longer infatuated with Big Bird, American Girl Dolls, or NSYNC.
5. When I was younger, I would refuse to play with children my own age and sit at the table to listen to adult conversations.  Now, I will often excuse myself from the table to go play with any children present. I miss being a nanny quite a lot.
6. I now like going to church. How I used to hate it!
7. My music taste has improved. From this to this.  How embarassing.  I will blame listening to this for an hour and a half every school day. Ugh.
8. I no longer despise playing the piano.
9. I no longer cry when I have to dance.  It will be bad, with no sense of rhythm, but it does happen.
10. Ponytails are not the only option. For the longest time I would only wear my hair up in pony tail and nothing would convince me to bring it down.
11. I love my sister to pieces.  There was a time when it was not so harmonious and I grudge her for living. But now! She is the salt of the earth and I think so highly of her.

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What an exercise of vanity! I hope you weren't so deeply flawed as a child and but most importantly, that you had much better taste in music...