A few Thursdays ago, I took off to Wales. It was one trek of a journey. Something like five hours with three changes. I arrived just as it was dusk, so I sadly missed most of the lovely scenery of gentle hills that envelope Bangor. I found my way to my little five-and-dime hotel room. It wasn't much of course, but it made me feel rather grown up. What this image does not show you is my frantic writing of my paper, or rewriting and rewriting. I revised my paper so much, I ended up having to speak off of hand-written notes. The original print-out was nothing to what I ended up reading, and while, at first disconcerting, I have a hunch more academics do this than I think.
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| the five and dime. small, but all mine. |
The next morning I woke up at dawn to rewrite this paper, barely had time for breakfast, no chance of ironing my shirt, scuttling out the door in the midst of rain. Fortunately Bangor University was ever so close. I loved the beautiful architecture. It reminded me a lot of St. Andrews.
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| glimpse of Bangor University. so lovely. |
I hurried through the front doors of my conference, and my stomach had the clenched feeling you get when you enter a room where you know absolutely no one. I registered, took my seat, attempted to place names with faces. An eminent scholar gave a brief introduction and another gave an opening address.
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| Le programme |
And then, guess who waltzed in the door, looking like something out of a painting? Red hair, elegant, well dressed. My old friend.
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| Sanna! |
I hardly slept the night before I was so worried about Sanna not making it, or having difficulty with train connections, and each time I woke up, would pray, and roll over for a few more fitful hours. Sanna had flown all the way from Singapore. Singapore to Doha, Doha to Stockholm, Stockholm to Oslo, and Oslo to London. She overnighted on a bench in Heathrow (brave, pioneering soul), awoke at 4 a.m. to catch a 5 a.m. train to Bangor. I was so delighted and pleased to see her!
Sanna attended the whole conference and watched me give my paper. She was the spirit of reassurance and compliability. At one point, shes gave me this stern teacher-look she's acquired during her year of teaching, and told me in no uncertain terms that I was to leave her and to go network with the others present at this conference. A right kick in the pants. I'll never know where she finds her stores of energy and good health. If I had just made the journey, I'd bet you both my bunnies that I'd be snivelling and sniffling and running a fever.
The conference was great. I was able to meet so many lovely people and see such a beautiful University. The biggest thing that I discovered is that I now had confidence. At times with this PhD business, one can just creep along, slower than a snail, and thinking,
I'm not getting anywhere, I haven't done anything. I'm chasing my tail. But looking back at my mental attitudes toward my research this time last year, I am simply amazed. This is from the person who was so nervous at giving papers she would physically shake and sweat through her shirt, voice shaky and uneven. If I didn't know better, I simply wouldn't know myself.
